WASHINGTON D.C. — NewsGuard, the controversial organization known for assigning “credibility scores” to news websites, has filed a lawsuit against the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), alleging that the agency’s scrutiny constitutes an unfair attack on its business model. The suit claims the FTC’s investigation into NewsGuard’s practices is essentially applying a “credibility score” to NewsGuard itself, a move the company deems both ironic and deeply un-credible.

“We believe in transparency and accountability for all news sources, just not, you know, for us,” stated CEO Gordon G. Score, in a prepared statement that was immediately flagged by NewsGuard’s internal algorithm as ‘lacking sufficient context.’ “To have our meticulously crafted, proprietary system of subjective assessment turned against us is, frankly, a breach of journalistic ethics that we ourselves would rate as ‘mostly false’ with a ‘severe penalty for sensationalism.’”

The lawsuit argues that the FTC’s inquiry into NewsGuard’s rating methodology and potential impact on free speech is an overreach, suggesting that only NewsGuard is qualified to determine who is qualified to determine what is news. Critics, however, point out that NewsGuard’s entire premise involves external entities passing judgment on others.

“It’s like the referee suddenly getting a yellow card from the ball,” observed Dr. Anya Pundit, a media ethics professor at the University of Perpetual Outrage. “They’re essentially saying, ‘You can’t rate us, only we can rate you, and we’ve rated ourselves as unimpeachable.’” The FTC has yet to issue a statement, presumably still trying to figure out how to assign a green checkmark to a company that's suing them for assigning green checkmarks.

NewsGuard has reportedly given its own lawsuit a perfect 100/100 credibility score, citing its clear adherence to its own self-interest.