LAS VEGAS — A groundbreaking new study published today by the Institute for Fandom Dynamics has definitively concluded that the emotional state and linguistic output of sports fans in online 'gamethreads' are overwhelmingly dictated by the current position of the puck on the ice. The findings, which many are calling 'stunningly obvious,' suggest a direct, almost Pavlovian response mechanism in the modern sports enthusiast.

Dr. Elara Vance, lead researcher for the study, explained the methodology. 'We analyzed hundreds of thousands of comments from a recent Penguins @ Golden Knights gamethread. Our sophisticated algorithms mapped phrases like 'FIRE THE COACH!' and 'WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE!' to specific timestamps. What we found was remarkable, yet entirely predictable: 'FIRE THE COACH!' appeared within milliseconds of an opposing goal, while 'WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE!' often followed a successful power play.'

The study also noted a significant increase in the use of all-caps and various emoji combinations when the puck was in a contested zone, particularly near either team's net. 'It appears the human brain, when subjected to the intense emotional stimulus of live sports, defaults to a primal state of binary communication,' Dr. Vance added, presenting a chart showing a spike in flame emojis during a penalty kill.

Critics of the study, primarily other sports fans, have questioned the necessity of such research. 'Didn't we already know this?' asked one anonymous commenter on a different gamethread, immediately after his team conceded a soft goal. 'This is just a waste of taxpayer money. My team sucks!'