A consortium of leading gerontologists and pop culture historians announced today the findings of a multi-decade study confirming that all living organisms, including human beings, are subject to the relentless march of time. The revelation comes as many individuals grapple with the 20th anniversary of the Disney Channel phenomenon *Hannah Montana*.

“For years, we’ve observed anecdotal evidence suggesting that people who were children in 2006 are no longer children,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, lead researcher at the Institute for Temporal Dynamics. “Our comprehensive data, tracking millions of individuals, now definitively proves this hypothesis. It’s a truly universal phenomenon.”

The study, which began tracking subjects shortly after they first learned the lyrics to “The Best of Both Worlds,” found a direct correlation between the number of years elapsed and an increase in age. Participants reported a variety of symptoms including, but not limited to, a sudden appreciation for comfortable shoes, a decreased tolerance for loud noises, and a baffling inability to understand current TikTok trends.

“We initially thought it might be a localized event, perhaps only affecting those who owned a *Hannah Montana* wig,” Dr. Reed added, “but our control group, consisting of individuals who preferred *Kim Possible*, showed identical aging patterns. It’s quite astonishing.”

Critics of the study argue that the findings are largely self-evident. However, researchers maintain that formally quantifying the aging process, especially in relation to beloved children's programming, provides crucial data for future studies on existential dread and the marketing of anti-aging creams.

The institute plans to continue its research, with preliminary findings suggesting that the 30th anniversary of *Hannah Montana* will also coincide with an increase in the age of its original audience.