INDIANAPOLIS — Following another nail-biting Selection Sunday that saw Miami (OH) barely clinch the final NCAA Tournament spot, the National Collegiate Athletic Association’s selection committee has issued a staunch defense of its famously opaque process, citing the “sacred exclusivity” of the 68-team field.

“We understand some people want more teams, more chances, more… participation,” stated NCAA Tournament Selection Committee Chair, Dr. Evelyn Thorne, during a press conference held in a dimly lit, velvet-draped room. “But what they fail to grasp is the profound, almost spiritual, importance of telling 300-plus teams they’re simply not good enough. It builds character. It fuels next year’s narrative.”

Dr. Thorne dismissed suggestions that expanding the tournament could offer more opportunities or reduce the heartbreak for deserving teams. “Where’s the drama in that? Where’s the existential dread? The beauty of March Madness isn’t just the Cinderellas; it’s the countless teams left weeping in their locker rooms, wondering what might have been. That, my friends, is the emotional engine of college basketball.”

One anonymous committee member, polishing a monocle, added, “If everyone gets a trophy, then no one truly appreciates the exquisite agony of being the 69th best team in the nation. It’s a delicate balance, really, between national interest and maintaining a healthy level of collective despair.”

Critics argue the committee’s stance prioritizes manufactured suspense over athletic merit, but the NCAA remains firm, promising another year of gut-wrenching bubble calls and the continued celebration of a system designed to keep most people out.