WASHINGTON D.C. — In a move hailed by both content farms and multinational corporations, a consortium of major news organizations has quietly begun publishing direct, unedited e-commerce product descriptions as breaking news. The shift, which sources say began as an 'efficiency measure,' has rapidly become the industry standard.

“We found that our readers were already spending 80% of their online time shopping, so why fight it?” explained Brenda Albright, CEO of Global News Corp., during a recent earnings call. “By simply re-publishing product titles like 'Clown 4 Packs S – Wood & Cloth Puppets For Kids (Random Colors) Pull String Toy,' we’re providing unparalleled relevance. It’s news you can literally buy.”

Experts suggest this innovative approach eliminates costly investigative reporting, fact-checking, and the need for pesky 'journalists.' “It’s a win-win,” commented Dr. Evelyn Pinter, a media ethics professor at the University of Southern Nebraska. “News outlets save money, and consumers get their daily dose of information directly from the source – a product page. We’re finally cutting out the middleman, who, in this case, was apparently 'context'.”

The new model has also streamlined content creation, with algorithms now generating entire news feeds based on trending shopping cart items. Industry insiders predict that within months, major headlines will consist solely of SKU numbers and shipping estimates.

Readers are reportedly thrilled with the change, noting that at least now they know exactly what they’re getting, and often, how much it costs.