NEW YORK, NY – A groundbreaking report released Monday by the Institute for Circular Career Trajectories (ICCT) has revealed that the vast majority of high-level positions within the music industry are now simply being filled by the same finite group of individuals rotating through a handful of major labels and streaming services.

“Our data indicates a staggering 97% overlap in the executive leadership of the world’s top music companies over the last decade,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, lead researcher for the ICCT. “It’s less a talent pipeline and more a sophisticated game of musical chairs played by people who all own the same yacht.” The report highlighted recent announcements, such as a WMG CEO receiving a prestigious honor, and Universal Music Nordics ‘re-Bjørning’ its leadership, as prime examples of this phenomenon.

Industry insiders, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they might be up for one of those jobs next week, confirmed the findings. “It’s efficient, really,” commented one senior VP from a major label. “Why bother interviewing new people when you can just poach someone who already knows where the good coffee machine is at Universal, or what kind of artisanal toast they serve at Sony?”

Another executive, currently between 'pivotal roles' at two different global conglomerates, added, “It’s all about maintaining institutional knowledge. And by ‘institutional knowledge,’ I mean knowing which private jet has the best Wi-Fi and who to call to get those streaming numbers adjusted.” The report suggests this practice ensures a consistent, if predictable, approach to global music strategy.

Critics argue this closed loop stifles innovation, but proponents insist it guarantees that the industry will continue to make exactly the same amount of money in exactly the same way, forever.