NEW YORK — Major League Baseball has announced the immediate implementation of a new 'Social Decorum Umpire' position, effective next season. The specialized official will be tasked with monitoring post-game interactions, ensuring proper sportsmanship, and, most critically, enforcing handshake etiquette between opposing players.

The move comes after a series of high-profile incidents, dubbed 'handshakegates' by analysts, where players either failed to offer, refused, or awkwardly fumbled post-game handshakes. The most recent controversy, involving a perceived snub between a Seattle Mariners catcher and an opposing Tampa Bay Rays outfielder, reportedly triggered emergency league meetings.

“The integrity of the game isn't just about balls and strikes; it’s about the sanctity of the post-game gesture,” stated MLB Commissioner Robert Manfred, Jr. in a press conference. “Our fans deserve to know that when the final out is recorded, the social contract between athletes remains intact. This new umpire will ensure that no handshake goes un-shaken, no pat on the back un-patted.”

Each Decorum Umpire will be equipped with slow-motion replay capabilities and a psychological profile database of all active players to anticipate potential social friction. Penalties for infractions could range from a mandatory post-game apology delivered via teleprompter to a one-game suspension for 'egregious social negligence.'

Sources close to the league suggest that future expansions of the program might include 'Dugout Banter Monitors' and 'Press Conference Tone Analysts' to ensure a fully sanitized and predictable athletic experience for all.