REDMOND, WA – Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has definitively stated the company is “long on gaming,” quashing rumors that the Xbox brand was being quietly phased out to make way for an AI-powered existential dread simulator. The announcement comes after an Xbox co-founder speculated the console might be 'sunsetted' in favor of, presumably, a highly efficient algorithm that simply tells players they're bad at games and should reconsider their life choices.

“We understand the concern,” Nadella reportedly told an internal Q&A, referring to the widespread panic that Microsoft would replace physical consoles with a cloud-based AI that just plays a 3-second loop of generic battle music. “But rest assured, the Xbox is here to stay. We are committed to providing you with a dedicated box that sits under your TV and occasionally makes whirring noises.”

Industry analyst Brenda "The Byte" Byteman noted the relief among the gaming community. “For a moment there, we thought Microsoft was going to pivot to an AI that just generates endless, unskippable cutscenes of itself optimizing algorithms,” Byteman said. “It’s good to know we still get to control our own digital avatars, even if those avatars are increasingly just paying for cosmetic upgrades.”

Sources close to the company indicate that while a full AI takeover isn't imminent, future Xbox models may include a 'helpful' AI assistant that critiques your gameplay in real-time, suggests microtransactions to overcome skill deficits, and occasionally reminds you of your impending mortality.