ANN ARBOR — Following Michigan’s 71-67 victory over Ohio State in the Big Ten Tournament, Wolverines coach Dusty May offered a stunningly candid assessment of his team’s approach, confirming that their core strategy revolved around outscoring the opposition. The revelation has sent shockwaves through the sports world, with analysts scrambling to re-evaluate decades of conventional wisdom.

“Look, at the end of the day, our goal was to put more points on the board than they did,” May told reporters, his voice betraying a hint of revolutionary pragmatism. “We felt if we could achieve that, the outcome would be favorable.” This bold declaration challenges the long-held belief that success in basketball is primarily determined by uniform color or the number of times a player adjusts their shorts.

Player Aday Mara echoed his coach’s sentiments, adding, “When the ball goes in the hoop, that’s good. When it doesn’t, that’s not as good.” The profound simplicity of these statements has led to calls for a complete overhaul of sports commentary, with many suggesting that intricate statistical breakdowns might be overcomplicating a fundamentally straightforward endeavor.

Dr. Evelyn Putter, a theoretical sports ethicist from the University of the Obvious, praised May’s transparency. “For too long, coaches have hidden behind vague platitudes about ‘heart’ and ‘grit.’ To openly admit that the objective is, in fact, to score more points is a brave and necessary step towards de-mystifying the game for the common fan.”

Sources close to the Michigan program indicate that future strategies might include ‘preventing the other team from scoring’ and ‘not turning the ball over too much.’