AUSTIN, TX – In a groundbreaking display of candor, Keller Mayor Armin Mizani, currently vying for Texas House District 98, has reportedly stumbled upon the profound realization that the entire political campaign process is little more than a glorified, often awkward, networking event. Sources close to the campaign indicate Mizani shared this epiphany during a recent interview, describing voter outreach as “just trying to get people to accept your connection request, but with more lawn signs.”

“I always thought it was about policy and public service,” Mizani allegedly confided to a campaign aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the mayor’s evolving understanding of democracy. “Turns out, it’s mostly about smiling, shaking hands, and subtly implying you’re better than the other guy without actually saying it. It’s like a corporate mixer, but instead of selling widgets, you’re selling… yourself.”

Political strategists across the state are reportedly reeling from the mayor’s blunt assessment. Dr. Eleanor Vance, a professor of Political Science at the University of Texas, commented, “While perhaps less poetic, Mayor Mizani’s description is remarkably accurate. Modern campaigning has indeed devolved into a series of transactional interactions, where candidates are essentially product managers for their own personal brand.” She added, “We’ve been trying to explain this to students for decades, but it seems a sitting mayor just needed to live it.”

Campaign volunteers have reportedly been issued new directives to “optimize their elevator pitches” and “leverage synergies with community stakeholders.” The mayor’s team is also exploring a new app that allows voters to ‘endorse’ candidates with a single tap, effectively streamlining the entire democratic process into a series of digital affirmations.

The mayor concluded his internal memo by suggesting that future elections might simply involve candidates swiping left or right on each other, depending on their perceived electability. “It’s just more efficient,” he reportedly stated, “and probably less awkward than a town hall.”