RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA — In a groundbreaking move set to redefine professional golf, LIV Golf officials announced today a radical new points system for its players. Effective immediately, any golfer under contract with LIV Golf will accrue Official World Golf Ranking (OWGR) points simply for being within a five-mile radius of a golf course, even if they are not actively playing or even holding a club.

“We believe in rewarding presence, not just performance,” stated LIV Golf Commissioner Greg Norman in a pre-recorded statement delivered from a solid gold bunker. “Why should a player’s ranking be solely dictated by something as fleeting as a good round? Our athletes are global brands, and their mere existence in proximity to the sport deserves recognition.”

The announcement comes after LIV Golf's recent inclusion in the OWGR system saw several players, notably Jon Rahm, experience significant ranking boosts. Critics, however, suggest the new 'Proximity Points' system might be an overcorrection.

“This is less about golf and more about participation trophies for millionaires,” commented Dr. Eleanor Vance, a sports economics analyst at the University of Greenwich. “It fundamentally devalues the concept of a ranking. Soon, we’ll have players vaulting into the top 10 because they once drove past Augusta National on their way to a luxury car dealership.”

Sources close to the league indicate that future phases of the 'Proximity Points' system may include bonuses for owning golf-themed apparel, watching golf on television, or simply thinking about golf for more than five minutes a day. The PGA Tour has yet to comment, reportedly still trying to figure out how to monetize existential dread.