NASHVILLE, TN — Rock icon Jack White has released an exhaustive 800-word statement on social media, definitively asserting that he holds no discernible feelings, positive or negative, toward any artist, genre, or sound wave currently traversing the Earth’s atmosphere. The clarification comes after a recent interview was misinterpreted as implying he found Taylor Swift’s music anything less than a perfectly acceptable collection of auditory vibrations.

“To be unequivocally clear, my stance on all popular music, and indeed all cultural output, is one of profound, unyielding neutrality,” White posted, reportedly from a custom-built, soundproofed bunker. “I neither endorse nor condemn. I simply exist, observing the sonic landscape with the detached curiosity of a particularly bored anthropologist.”

The statement went on to detail White’s meticulous avoidance of forming any personal preferences, citing it as crucial for maintaining artistic integrity and preventing the accidental generation of a viral soundbite. “My brain is a pristine, unblemished canvas, utterly devoid of judgment or enjoyment,” he added, explaining that even the act of listening to his own music is purely for quality control, not pleasure.

Industry analysts believe this unprecedented level of public apathy could set a new standard for celebrity engagement. “It’s a bold move,” commented Dr. Evelyn Reed, a professor of semiotics at the University of Southern California. “He’s essentially weaponizing indifference as a brand strategy. It’s either genius or he’s just really, really tired.”

White concluded his statement by urging fans to stop asking him about anything, ever, for any reason, promising that his next album would be an hour of ambient silence, just to be safe.