LOS ANGELES – In a move industry insiders are calling “bold” and “frankly, quite obvious now that someone’s said it,” veteran film producer Sterling Brock revealed his revolutionary strategy to save Hollywood’s flagging fortunes: make movies in America, for Americans. Brock’s proposal, detailed in a leaked memo obtained by Hambry, suggests a radical shift from chasing every conceivable foreign market to focusing on the domestic audience’s preferences, a strategy previously deemed “too niche” by studio executives.
“For years, we’ve been crafting stories designed to translate flawlessly to Beijing, Mumbai, and Riyadh,” Brock’s memo stated. “We’ve meticulously removed anything remotely controversial, culturally specific, or, you know, *American*. The result? Bland, focus-grouped mush that satisfies no one and grosses billions overseas while domestic numbers tank. It’s time to admit our mistake: Americans, it turns out, actually like American things.” He added that this revelation came to him while watching *Top Gun: Maverick* for the eighteenth time on his private jet.
The “Made in America” initiative, according to Brock, will focus on films that don’t need a committee of international consultants to greenlight. This includes, but is not limited to, stories where protagonists are allowed to drink non-Coke products, plotlines aren’t redesigned for Chinese censors, and nobody questions why the entire cast speaks English. “We’ve found that when films feature American actors saying American words about American problems, American people tend to show up,” said a studio executive, who requested anonymity as he was simultaneously pitching a new Marvel spin-off involving a mute superhero and an AI-generated dragon for the burgeoning Metaverse market.
Industry analysts are cautiously optimistic. Dr. Cassandra Finch, Director of the Institute for Aspirational Proximity Studies, noted, “This is a truly unprecedented moment. Hollywood, after decades of literally abandoning its core audience and manufacturing product for global lowest-common-denominator appeal, has discovered the radical notion that local content might resonate locally. The next big breakthrough might be realizing that paying writers and actors fairly also helps morale, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
The ambitious plan is expected to revitalize the industry by creating films that might not require a nine-figure budget simply to avoid offending a single foreign market regulator. Studios are reportedly scrambling to find scripts that don’t already have built-in “international compromise” footnotes on every page.
The next challenge will be convincing executives that “made in America” doesn’t just mean filming in Georgia for tax credits, but actually understanding what Americans want beyond IP recycling and CGI sludge.
