WASHINGTON D.C. – Event Strategies Inc., the firm that helped organize the January 6th rally preceding the Capitol riot, has reportedly secured a new multi-million dollar government contract to plan “future civic engagement initiatives,” sources confirmed Tuesday. The lucrative deal, awarded with minimal competitive bidding, is said to leverage the company's unique expertise in coordinating complex, high-stakes public gatherings.

“When it comes to orchestrating events that truly capture the nation’s attention and inspire passionate participation, Event Strategies has demonstrated unparalleled capability,” stated procurement officer Brenda Carmichael, speaking anonymously due to ongoing investigations into, well, everything. “Their previous work showcased an impressive ability to bring diverse groups together around a common cause, albeit one that we're now legally obligated to call 'problematic.'"

The new contract reportedly includes provisions for “logistical support, crowd management strategies, and innovative messaging techniques” for upcoming government-sponsored public forums. Critics, however, questioned whether a company linked to an event that resulted in federal charges and congressional inquiries was the most appropriate choice for promoting peaceful civic discourse.

“We’re simply hiring the best in the business for crowd logistics,” explained a spokesperson for the contracting agency, who insisted on anonymity while polishing a brass plaque that read 'Meritocracy.' “Their ability to make an event unforgettable, for better or worse, is exactly what we need to ensure maximum public interest in, say, a new tax code explanation or a local zoning meeting.”

Event Strategies Inc. has yet to comment, presumably busy counting its blessings, and its millions.