WASHINGTON D.C. — A former Department of Government Ethics (DOGE) official, whose identity remains protected to ensure future career prospects, has reportedly admitted that his alleged transfer of Social Security data to a new private sector role was merely an innovative approach to professional networking. The whistleblower’s claims, detailed in a recent internal memo, suggest the official saw the highly sensitive personal information of millions of Americans as a valuable 'asset' for his new venture.

“Look, everyone has a LinkedIn profile, right? This was just… a more comprehensive one,” explained a source close to the former official, speaking on condition of anonymity to avoid similar 'networking' opportunities. “He wasn’t stealing it; he was curating it. For synergy. And perhaps a modest consulting fee down the line.”

The Department of Government Ethics, tasked with upholding public trust, has launched an internal review, which is expected to conclude sometime after the official's new company goes public. “We take allegations of data mishandling very seriously, especially when they involve our own,” stated DOGE spokesperson Brenda Carmichael, adjusting her tie. “Rest assured, we are exploring all options, including whether we can get a discount on his new services.”

Experts suggest this groundbreaking approach to career advancement could revolutionize how government employees transition to the private sector, potentially making traditional job applications obsolete. The only remaining question is whether the data was encrypted, or if he just printed it all out and put it in a binder.