WASHINGTON D.C. — A former Department of Government Ethics (DOGE) official has reportedly disseminated a comprehensive database of U.S. Social Security numbers to his new private sector employer, citing a 'minor oversight' in his file transfer process. The official, who wishes to remain anonymous but is known in certain circles as 'Mr. Data,' allegedly included the entire national registry in an email titled 'New Job, Who Dis? (And Also, Here's All Your Data!).'

Sources close to the matter indicate Mr. Data believed the 170 million unique identifiers were merely a 'digital welcome basket' for his new team at 'SecureData Solutions, LLC,' a firm specializing in, ironically, data security. “I just thought it was a cool spreadsheet to show them what I’d been working on,” explained Mr. Data through a spokesperson, adding, “Everyone loves a good spreadsheet, right? Especially one with, like, *all* the numbers.”

Experts are scrambling to understand how such a vast trove of personal information could be so casually handled by someone whose previous role involved safeguarding government integrity. Dr. Penelope Witherbottom, a professor of Digital Ethics at the University of Southern California, commented, “It’s less a breach and more a full-blown data parade. He practically gift-wrapped the entire country’s financial future and sent it via Outlook.”

SecureData Solutions, LLC, has since confirmed receipt of the email and is reportedly considering a new company slogan: 'We Secure Data, Eventually.'