NYON, SWITZERLAND – Following another Champions League knockout stage featuring a disproportionate number of English Premier League clubs, a consortium of England's top teams has formally requested UEFA rebrand its premier European competition to reflect their perceived dominance. The proposed 'Premier League Invitational' would, according to sources, feature only English teams, with a few token European clubs allowed in for 'diversity' and 'to make the English teams feel better about themselves.'

“Frankly, it’s just getting a bit tedious having to constantly prove our worth against these… other leagues,” stated a representative for the newly formed 'English Football Superiority Committee,' speaking on condition of anonymity while polishing a replica Champions League trophy. “We dominate the transfer market, we dominate the viewership, and let’s be honest, we often dominate the latter stages of this competition. It’s time UEFA acknowledged who the real main characters are.”

UEFA, which currently generates billions from its pan-European format, reportedly received the proposal with a mixture of bewilderment and a deep sigh. “While we appreciate the… enthusiasm of our English colleagues, the Champions League is, by definition, for champions from across Europe,” explained UEFA spokesperson, Jean-Pierre Dubois, wiping a tear from his eye. “Though, admittedly, the thought of a final between two Manchester clubs *again* does make us question our life choices.”

Sources close to the English clubs suggest they are already drafting a new anthem, tentatively titled 'It’s Coming Home (Again, Probably),' and are considering replacing the iconic starball logo with a stylized image of a tea-drinking bulldog.