LOS ANGELES, CA — In a groundbreaking move demonstrating unparalleled foresight, E! News has published its definitive fashion predictions for the Vanity Fair Oscars Party of 2026. The exhaustive report, which spans over 30 pages of speculative commentary, offers a sneak peek into the sartorial choices of celebrities two full years before the event.

“Our team of highly trained trend forecasters, who are mostly just interns with internet access, have been working tirelessly to project the future of red carpet glamour,” stated E! News Chief Content Officer, Brenda Sterling, in a press release. “We can confidently predict that attendees will wear clothing. Possibly shoes. And jewelry is a strong contender.”

Industry insiders lauded the network’s commitment to providing content long before it’s remotely relevant. “It’s brilliant, really,” commented fashion critic and part-time psychic, Giselle Dubois. “Why wait for actual outfits when you can generate endless clicks from imaginary ones? The suspense is almost unbearable, knowing that somewhere, a stylist is *thinking* about a dress that might exist in two years.”

The report also includes a detailed analysis of potential color palettes, ranging from “not black” to “some shade of blue,” and a speculative list of designers who “might still be making clothes then.” One section is dedicated entirely to the possibility of a celebrity wearing a hat, which E! News has rated as a “medium-to-high probability.”

In related news, sources indicate that E! News has already begun drafting its retrospective on the 2026 party, slated for release in 2028.