LOS ANGELES – A groundbreaking, albeit existentially troubling, new report from the Institute for Quantitative Human Presence (IQHP) has concluded that Donald Glover, the multi-hyphenate known for his work as Childish Gambino, Troy Barnes, and Lando Calrissian, is also statistically likely to be every single person an individual has encountered in their lifetime.

“Our data models, which cross-referenced billions of social interactions with known Glover appearances, indicate a near-100% probability that he was your third-grade teacher, the barista who messed up your order last Tuesday, and possibly even the person who taught you how to ride a bike,” stated lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Reed, visibly unnerved. “It’s less about his versatility and more about his fundamental omnipresence.”

Sources close to Glover, who requested anonymity due to the sheer impossibility of determining if they were, in fact, Glover themselves, confirmed the findings were “not entirely surprising.” One such source, a ‘friend’ named ‘Chad,’ remarked, “Yeah, I mean, I thought he looked familiar when he was delivering my pizza last night. We even had a conversation about the nuances of modern jazz. Classic Donald.”

IQHP is now investigating whether Glover is also responsible for the invention of the wheel and the concept of time itself. The findings have left many questioning the nature of reality, while others are simply wondering if they can get a refund for that one acting class he taught in 2008.