LOS ANGELES – A new report from the Institute for Perpetual Nostalgia has officially designated the entire concept of 'youth' as a historical period, following the 20th anniversary of the Disney Channel phenomenon *Hannah Montana*. Researchers indicate that any cultural touchstone from the early 2000s and beyond is now firmly entrenched in the 'retro' category, effectively aging an entire generation overnight.

“We’ve reached a critical mass,” explained Dr. Evelyn Hayes, lead chronologist for the study. “The continuous stream of 'then and now' retrospectives for shows that feel like they just ended has finally tipped the scales. If you can remember watching something on a CRT television, congratulations, you’re officially a relic.” Dr. Hayes added that the phenomenon is accelerating, with predictions that anything from 2015 will be considered 'vintage' by next Tuesday.

The study suggests that this rapid cultural aging is leading to widespread existential dread among millennials and older Gen Z, who are now grappling with the fact that their childhoods are being curated for museum exhibits. “I just saw a TikTok explaining flip phones to Gen Alpha,” lamented 32-year-old marketing executive, Chloe Peterson. “They called it 'ancient tech.' I used one last week. I think.”

Further analysis indicates that the relentless march of time, coupled with an insatiable media appetite for anniversary content, is creating an environment where cultural relevance has a shelf life shorter than a carton of milk. Experts advise individuals to embrace their newfound status as historical artifacts, or at least invest in a good anti-aging cream. The next phase, they warn, is being featured in 'Remember These Obscure Trends?' articles on websites you’ve never heard of.