VANCOUVER, BC – In a move lauded by investors and decried by anyone who enjoys watching good soccer, the Vancouver Rise has officially sold star forward Holly Ward to the NWSL’s Seattle Reign. The transaction comes mere days after Ward netted the championship-winning goal in the Northern Super League’s inaugural season, confirming the league’s swift and efficient business model.

“We are incredibly proud of Holly’s development here in Vancouver,” stated Rise CEO, Brenda Carmichael, in a press release that conspicuously lacked any mention of fan sentiment. “Her success is a testament to our league’s ability to identify, nurture, and then promptly offload top-tier talent to more financially robust markets. It’s a win-win-win: for Holly, for our shareholders, and for the American league that gets to enjoy the fruits of our labor.”

Sources close to the league, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they still have to work there, indicated that the sale was pre-planned, with Ward’s championship heroics merely accelerating the timeline. “The goal was just icing on the cake,” one source revealed. “It validated our scouting. Now we know exactly which players to groom for export next season.”

Fans, many of whom had just purchased their first Rise jersey with Ward’s name on the back, expressed a range of emotions from resignation to a deep, familiar Canadian sigh. “It’s like we’re a farm team, but for an entire country,” lamented season ticket holder, Gary Peterson, as he stared blankly at his newly acquired merchandise. “At least she won us a trophy first. That’s more than some of our other exports manage.”

The Northern Super League is reportedly already scouting promising high school athletes, eager to replicate this year’s successful, albeit brief, talent retention strategy.