CHICAGO, IL – The Chicago Blackhawks organization today unveiled a revolutionary new player designation, 'Injury-Prone,' designed to more efficiently categorize athletes who are, statistically speaking, always a minor inconvenience away from being sidelined. The move follows the recent, entirely predictable, injuries to defenseman Louis Crevier and forward Andrew Mangiapane, both of whom were scratched from Friday night’s game with undisclosed ailments.

“Frankly, it’s just good business,” stated General Manager Kyle Davidson, adjusting his tie. “We were spending an inordinate amount of time on 'day-to-day' reports and 'lower-body' updates. This new designation allows us to simply mark a player as 'Injury-Prone' and then, when they inevitably miss a game, we just nod knowingly and move on. It’s a real time-saver.”

The 'Injury-Prone' designation will reportedly come with its own set of protocols, including pre-filled injury forms, a dedicated medical staff whose sole job is to shrug empathetically, and a custom-designed bench seat that converts into a stretcher at a moment’s notice. Sources close to the team suggest that early candidates for the new category include anyone who has ever sneezed too hard during practice.

“We’re not saying these players are fragile,” clarified Head Coach Jeff Blashill, gesturing vaguely. “We’re just acknowledging that some bodies are built for hockey, and others are built for… well, for watching hockey. From the couch. With a heating pad.” He added that the team is exploring a 'Season-Ending' designation for players who simply look at the ice too intensely.

In related news, the team's equipment manager has reportedly begun ordering all new jerseys with velcro seams for easier removal during impromptu medical examinations.