CINCINNATI, OH — The Cincinnati Bengals organization has officially opened applications for its backup quarterback position, following the decision not to tender restricted free agent Jake Browning. Sources close to the team indicate the new hiring strategy is less about finding a specific skill set and more about securing a 'human placeholder with a valid ID and no outstanding warrants.'

“We’re really just looking for someone who can hold a clipboard, look vaguely concerned on the sidelines, and maybe, just maybe, not spontaneously combust if they’re ever forced onto the field,” explained Bengals General Manager, Lou ‘The Hammer’ Henderson, while reviewing a stack of résumés that included a high school drama teacher and a former competitive eater. “Ideally, they’ll have some experience with basic hand-eye coordination, but honestly, we’re flexible. Joe Burrow is our guy. The backup is essentially a very expensive good luck charm.”

Applicants are encouraged to submit a brief video demonstrating their ability to correctly identify a football and, if possible, complete a simple three-step dropback without tripping over their own feet. The team has also indicated a preference for individuals who are 'low-maintenance' and 'don't ask too many questions about playing time.'

Industry analysts suggest the move reflects a growing trend in the NFL, where backup QBs are increasingly viewed as interchangeable parts in a high-stakes game of injury roulette, rather than integral team members. The Bengals reportedly considered tendering a sentient Roomba before settling on the human option.