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Aggregates satirical news and humor on public safety issues. Explores the lighter side of community security, policing, and policy discussions.

Pittsburgh Hero Dog Makes EMS Obsolete
public safety

Pittsburgh Lauds Hero Dog for Proving Emergency Services Unnecessary, Budget Cuts Imminent

City Council Considering "Paw Patrol" Legislation to Replace Human Responders with More Cost-Effective Canines After Single Dog Saves City Thousands.

0 views·Jun 26
Boston World Cup Hours Risk City Integrity?
public safety

Boston Bartenders Warn Extending World Cup Hours Risks City's Structural Integrity

Service Industry Fears Any Further Alcohol Intake Could Cause Entire Metropolitan Area to Spontaneously Become a Bar Fight.

1 views·Jun 3
Authorities Prevent Critical Pop Culture Crisis
public safety

Authorities Praise Swift Action Preventing Critical Pop Culture Incident

Prevention Hailed as a Win for National Spirit and the Unwavering Joy of Millions, Setting a Precedent for Protecting Cultural Narratives.

2 views·May 29
Weather Warning: Outside May Contain Weather
public safety

Experts Warn 'Outside' May Contain 'Weather' Throughout the Day

Officials Urge Public to Brace for Unprecedented Atmospheric Conditions That Are Exactly Like Conditions From Last Week.

2 views·May 14
Texas Braces for Unregulated World Cup Spontaneity
public safety

Texas Agencies Brace for 'Unregulated Spontaneous Celebration' During World Cup

Officials Cite Potential for Unsanctioned Cheering and Unmonitored Cultural Exchange as Primary Security Concerns.

0 views·May 12
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Rabid Bat Bite: Feds Deploy Emergency Task Force
public safety

Rabid Bat's 'Unilateral' Hephzibah Bite Triggers Emergency Federal Task Force

Experts Warn of Potential 'Inter-Species' Conflict, Urge Citizens to Reconsider All Previous Assumptions About Flying Mammals.

Apr 23
Police Celebrate Toy Gun Confiscation Victory
public safety

Police Laud Decisive Action After Toy Gun Confiscated From Park.

Authorities Confirm No Casualties Reported in Incident Involving "Projectile-Launching Recreational Device."

Apr 22
Toy Guns: $300m Plan to Make Them Abstract
public safety

Government Announces $300m Initiative to Make Toy Guns Look Less Like Guns

Program Aims to Redesign Children's Playthings Into 'Non-Threatening, Abstract Concept-Representation Devices.'

Apr 22
Storm Alert: I'm Ignored & Sick of It!
public safety

I Am the Storm Alert and I'm Sick of Being Ignored

You Think You Know Me, but You Only See the Tip of the Radar. My Existence Is a Constant Battle Against Human Complacency.

Apr 20
National Guard Deployed for Pokémon GO Tinkatink Crowds
public safety

National Guard Deployed to Manage Pokémon GO "Tinkatink" Event Crowds

Federal Agencies Activate Contingency Plans Amidst Fears of Widespread Economic Disruption and Infrastructure Strain from Upcoming Mobile Game Phenomenon.

Apr 14
Emerald Isle's $1.2M Coyote Plan Nabs 3, Declares
public safety

Emerald Isle Hails 'Monumental Success' After 6-Month Coyote Initiative Removes Three

The Ambitious, Multi-Agency Effort, Costing Taxpayers an Estimated $1.2 Million, Has Reportedly Restored Tranquility to Local Beaches.

Apr 2
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