The News, Remastered

Hambry

#walt disney company

Aggregated satirical news and parody articles on the Walt Disney Company. Contains humorous takes on Disney's entertainment, parks, and business

Rhino Gets Custom Eye Mask, Disney Says Human Medical Debt “personal Responsibility”
Sources Confirmed the Lavish Endeavor Was a “critical Investment in Brand Optics” Following Another Round of Mass Layoffs.
Disney cuts 1,000 jobs to secure executives' 'magical' bonuses
The company stated the move was essential for optimizing "synergy pathways" and protecting "shareholder enchantment."
Disney Severance Package Includes Commemorative 'Magic Is You' Pin, Standard Paperwork.
The Entertainment Giant Ensures Departing Staff Feel the Unique Enchantment of Being a Line Item on a Corporate Spreadsheet.
Disney Unveils New "Child-Optional" Park Initiative After Internal Data Shows Adults Spend More
Internal Data Reveals Child-Free Adults Generate Higher Revenue and Exhibit "Demonstrably Lower Incidence of Public Meltdowns."

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