The News, Remastered

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#jamie dimon

Jamie Dimon satirical news. Topic page aggregating articles that parody the JPMorgan Chase CEO, Wall Street, and the world of finance

JPMorgan Issues Grave Economic Warning, Credits Grave Economy for Record Profits.
The Financial Giant’s Q2 Earnings Surged to an Unprecedented $16.5 Billion, a Direct Result of Increased Volatility and Strategic Instability Hedging.
Dimon Warns Public of Economic Pain, Exempts Personal Portfolio
The Financial Titan Assured Investors that while "Everyone Else" Might Face Significant Economic Hurdles, His Personal Wealth Remains Meticulously Insulated.

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