The News, Remastered

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#facial recognition

Satirical news articles on facial recognition technology. Covers privacy, AI, and surveillance with humorous commentary and takes

Costco’s new AI checkout to detect members' loyalty, unspent annual budget
The warehouse giant claims its new "MemberScan Pro" system will elevate the shopping experience by ensuring fiscal devotion.
Meta Execs Confirm Smart Glasses Will Finally Monetize Direct Eye Contact.
The Company Aims to 'Optimize' Interpersonal Interactions by Extracting Previously Unquantifiable Economic Value from Your Gaze.
Meta's 'Privacy-Optional' Smart Glasses Bring Effortless Public Data Capture.
The Company Assures Users the Groundbreaking Eyewear Will Catalog Every Fleeting Interaction for Optimized Social Connection.
Police Laud AI for 'Unprecedented Efficiency' in Arrests of Innocent Citizens
Law Enforcement Agencies Are Reportedly Praising Artificial Intelligence for Streamlining the Entire Arrest Pipeline, despite an Emerging Pattern of Significant Collateral Damage.

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