The News, Remastered

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#department of defense

Satirical news and humorous commentary on the Department of Defense. Explore parody articles about DoD policies, spending, and military affairs

Pentagon Declares AI Rollout 'Historic Success' Despite 60% of Staff Actively Avoiding It
The Department of Defense Redefined “engagement” to Include Any Service Member Who Accidentally Hovered Over an Ai-Powered Pop-Up for Three Seconds.
U.S. Government to Deploy AI Model It Simultaneously Deemed a National Security Risk
Officials Lauded the Program as a Landmark Achievement in Bureaucratic Inefficiency and the Pursuit of Cutting-Edge Technology at Any Cost.
Pentagon Requests Record Budget for 'Fully Autonomous, Self-Rescuing' Warfighters
The Unprecedented Defense Spending Aims to Eliminate the Need for Costly and Inconvenient Human Rescue Operations by Making All Future Personnel Self-Sufficiently Extractable.
Pentagon Unveils 'War Satisfaction Score' After President's Declining Morale
New Metric Designed to Measure Commander-in-Chief's Personal Fulfillment from Military Operations, Replacing Outdated 'Strategic Objectives' and 'Civilian Casualties' Metrics.

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