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I Am the Designated Hitter Rule and Frankly, My Feelings Are Hurt
From Dusty Diamonds to Gleaming Stadiums, I've Been a Controversial Constant, and Frankly, I'm Tired of the Debate.
Apr 24, 2026
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I Am the Designated Hitter Rule and My Life Is a Constant Existential Crisis
You Think *You're* under Pressure? Try Being the Singular Embodiment of Baseball's Most Divisive Philosophical Debate, Day in and Day Out.
Apr 14, 2026
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MLB to Formalize 'Streak-Off' as Primary Game Determinant
As Competing Streaks Prepare for Collision, League Acknowledges Human Element Increasingly Peripheral to Sporting Outcomes.
Apr 12, 2026
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MLB to Formalize 'Situational Foot-Contact' After Machado Incident
The League Aims to Standardize the Spontaneous Use of Lower Extremities to Advance Gameplay.
Apr 7, 2026
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MLB Introduces New 'Gesture Integrity' Protocol After Manager Ejected for Slow Hat Tap
The League Is Cracking down on What It Deems 'Sub-Optimal Challenge Activation Gestures' to Maintain the Sanctity of the Game's Increasingly Complex Rulebook.
Mar 30, 2026