LOS ANGELES, CA — Dr. Seraphina 'Sera' Moonbeam, the self-proclaimed 'Shaman of Silicon Valley' and author of the bestselling memoir 'My Ego Died So Yours Could Live,' has announced the launch of 'Paw-sitive Vibes,' a new line of psychedelic-infused pet supplements. Moonbeam, who rose to fame after detailing her journey from a 'misdiagnosis' of chronic ennui to a 'self-diagnosis' of spiritual awakening via Amazonian plant medicine, claims the products will unlock pets' 'ancestral wisdom.'

“Our furry companions are just as susceptible to the existential dread of modern life as we are,” Moonbeam stated in a press release, flanked by a visibly sedated golden retriever wearing a crystal-encrusted collar. “Think of the trauma of being left alone while you’re at SoulCycle. Paw-sitive Vibes offers a gentle, holistic path to inner peace, one micro-dose at a time.”

Veterinary experts, who have not been consulted, expressed mild bewilderment. “While we appreciate the enthusiasm for animal welfare, there’s no scientific basis for giving controlled substances to pets, especially without proper medical oversight,” commented Dr. Alistair Finch, head of the American Association of Pet Psychiatrists. “We’re particularly concerned about the 'Spirit Quest' blend, which promises to help hamsters 'integrate their past lives.'”

Moonbeam, who once faced minor legal issues for 'unlicensed spiritual guidance' and 'questionable financial practices,' dismissed the concerns as 'Big Pharma trying to keep our pets in the dark.' Her new venture is already backed by several tech billionaires whose dogs reportedly 'can’t stop talking about their childhood traumas.'