PALO ALTO, CA – Dr. Alistair Finch, president of the prestigious West Coast University, has officially stepped down, citing an “inappropriate relationship” that sources close to the administration confirm was with the actual responsibilities of his position.

“President Finch realized he was in a deeply unsuitable arrangement with the university’s mission statement and the concept of accountability,” stated university spokesperson Brenda Albright. “It became clear that the expectations of the presidency—like fundraising, strategic planning, and not being caught in compromising positions—were fundamentally misaligned with his personal brand of leadership.”

The resignation follows months of speculation regarding Finch’s increasingly detached approach to his duties. One anonymous board member remarked, “We thought he was just busy, but it turns out he was having a full-blown affair with the idea of delegating everything and then taking credit. It was a toxic dynamic.”

Dr. Finch’s departure is effective immediately. The university has begun a search for a successor who is prepared for a committed, long-term relationship with the job, rather than a casual fling with the title.