GAINESVILLE, FL — The University of Florida's athletic department has unveiled an ambitious new policy: any future PGA Tour win by a golfer who has ever, at any point, consumed a Gatorade product or visited the state of Florida will now be officially attributed to the university's alumni record. The move comes hot on the heels of Ricky Castillo's Puerto Rico Open win, which marked the 100th PGA Tour victory by a 'Gator' – a statistic the university is keen to inflate further.

“We’ve been too conservative,” stated Dr. Reginald 'Reggie' Swampland, Director of Brand Synergy and Historical Revisionism for UF Athletics. “Why stop at actual alumni? The spirit of a Gator is a powerful, pervasive force. If you’ve ever had a sip of that sweet, electrolyte-rich nectar, you’re basically family. And family gets credit.”

The new guidelines are expected to significantly boost UF’s golf legacy, potentially adding hundreds of wins from players who may have simply flown over Florida airspace or once owned a pair of flip-flops. Critics suggest the policy is a desperate attempt to distract from recent budget shortfalls, but Dr. Swampland dismissed such claims.

“This isn’t about money; it’s about heritage,” he clarified, adjusting a custom-embroidered, orange-and-blue blazer. “And if it happens to make our golf program look like the undisputed best in human history, well, that’s just a happy coincidence. Go Gators!”

Sources close to the university indicate discussions are already underway to claim the moon landing for a former astronomy student who once attended a summer camp in Orlando.