AUSTIN, TX – Legendary filmmaker Steven Spielberg announced this week that the cinematic experience has reached a new, elevated status, comparing it favorably to attending ballet or opera. Speaking at SXSW, Spielberg suggested that the future of moviegoing lies in its transformation into a niche, high-brow activity, accessible primarily to those with the disposable income and cultural cachet to appreciate such rarified art forms.

“We want these things to go forever,” Spielberg stated, referring to both cinema and the performing arts, implying that the commonality between them is their increasingly inaccessible nature. Industry analysts interpreted his remarks as a tacit admission that the era of mass-market, affordable cinema for all is drawing to a close, making way for a more curated, elite experience.

“Mr. Spielberg is simply acknowledging what many of us in the industry have known for years,” commented Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a fictional cultural anthropologist at the University of Southern California. “As streaming services democratize casual viewing, the theater must differentiate itself. What better way than to become an event, a pilgrimage, a place where one must dress appropriately and perhaps even understand a foreign language synopsis?”

Sources close to the director, who requested anonymity as they were not authorized to speak on the matter, suggested Spielberg envisions a future where movie tickets are purchased months in advance, come with a complimentary program, and require a minimum donation to a film preservation society. “He’s tired of people eating popcorn like barbarians,” one source whispered. “He wants hushed reverence, like at a symphony.”

This shift, experts believe, will ensure cinema’s longevity by pricing out the riff-raff and appealing to a discerning clientele who still believe in the magic of a $30 large soda.