LOS ANGELES – Ivanna Lisette Ortiz, 35, of Florida, is currently being held on an unprecedented $10.2 million bail after allegedly firing a weapon at a vehicle containing global superstar Rihanna. Prosecutors clarified today that the exorbitant bail amount is not merely for attempted murder, but also includes a hefty 'Celebrity Aura Endangerment' surcharge and a 'Future Paparazzi Deterrent' fee.

“While Ms. Ortiz’s actions were certainly ill-advised, the primary concern here is the message this sends to anyone contemplating even glancing at Ms. Fenty without prior contractual agreement,” stated District Attorney Gwendolyn Price. “This bail ensures that the next time someone thinks about disrupting the delicate ecosystem of a multi-hyphenate mogul, they’ll first consider the financial implications for their entire extended family.”

Legal experts suggest the bail could set a new precedent for crimes involving high-profile individuals. “Normally, you’d see this kind of figure for, say, a supervillain trying to steal the moon, not a Florida woman with a history of minor infractions,” commented defense attorney Marcus Thorne. “But when you factor in the potential loss of endorsement deals due to emotional distress, or the cost of increased security, suddenly $10 million looks like a bargain for society.”

Ortiz, whose arrest record in Florida includes charges ranging from 'aggressive flamingo feeding' to 'unauthorized beach umbrella deployment,' reportedly expressed confusion over the sum, stating she merely 'wanted to get a good shot' of the singer.