SAN FRANCISCO – OpenAI has announced the launch of its new 'Ethical Exit' program, designed to facilitate the departure of employees who suddenly realize the company might have, you know, ethics. The program comes after robotics hardware lead Caitlin Kalinowski resigned, citing 'principle' following OpenAI's recent deal with the Pentagon.

“We understand that some of our more, shall we say, 'idealistic' team members might occasionally experience a moment of clarity regarding the real-world applications of their groundbreaking AI,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, newly appointed Head of Principle Management at OpenAI. “The Ethical Exit program ensures a smooth transition for these individuals, offering a fast-tracked severance package and a LinkedIn endorsement for 'moral fortitude.' It's really about respecting their journey of self-discovery.”

The program reportedly includes a mandatory 48-hour 'Principle Reflection Period,' during which employees are encouraged to ponder the philosophical implications of their work while reviewing the company's latest quarterly earnings report. Those who still feel a pang of conscience after seeing the revenue projections are then ushered into an expedited off-boarding process.

“It’s a win-win,” added Thorne. “They get to feel good about their stand, and we get to continue innovating without the distraction of, well, standing.” Industry analysts suggest the program could be a model for other tech giants navigating the delicate balance between world-changing innovation and world-changing profits.