One rather despairs at the state of dispatches arriving from the colonies these days. Just when one thought the nadir had been reached with that unfortunate business concerning the ‘pickleball’ — a name that still makes one’s molars ache — a fresh missive lands upon the desk, demanding attention. It concerns, if you can credit it, the New York Knicks, or whatever they are calling that particular basketball outfit this week, and their rather peculiar notion of sporting achievement.
Apparently, the chaps at the ‘Madison Square Garden Company’, or some such corporate confection, have declared that a 'season sweep' against the Denver Nuggets — a team, one gathers, that plays the same tedious game with an entirely different set of coloured shirts — ought now to be recognised by the governing body, the 'NBA', as equivalent to two full championships. Two. Not one, mind you, but two of these elusive, golden baubles, simply for winning a few fixtures in a row against the same opponent. One notes, with some concern, the rather aggressive dilution of what might once have been considered a genuine accomplishment. It rather reminds one of a particularly enthusiastic cub scout pinning on badges for merely turning up.
The summary informs us this has sent 'shockwaves' through the 'professional basketball world'. One must confess, the vibrations here in London are rather less pronounced than those from the Central Line. 'Shockwaves' are perhaps better reserved for events of genuine consequence, such as a missed tea break or the discovery of lukewarm beer. As for the claim that 'New York fans are… passionate' — well, one has observed a similar fervour among toddlers denied a biscuit. It is hardly a novel or particularly commendable attribute, merely an occupational hazard for anyone within earshot.
One has, in one’s time, witnessed genuine sporting drama. I sat through the interminable 'Boat Race' in a downpour so severe one’s notebook became pulp, and covered the 1983 budget debates, which were rather more exciting than this. To suggest that a handful of basketball matches, however well-played — and one uses the term loosely, having watched brief, incomprehensible snippets — can somehow be retrospectively doubled in value strikes one as a particularly American strain of optimism, entirely divorced from reality. It rather makes a mockery of any organisation hoping to be taken seriously on the global stage. What next? Three championships for wearing matching socks?
One is, naturally, obliged to file this report, as per the editor’s rather ill-judged assignment. But let it be known that this correspondent — who once endured an entire Test match without a single discernible cheer from the crowd, that was passion — finds this whole affair rather less than compelling. It merely highlights the lamentable tendency to inflate trivialities into matters of grand import. Still, at least it wasn't about competitive eating. One has limits.
