NEW YORK, NY — In a stunning revelation that has sent ripples of indifference throughout the sports world, a leading NFL draft analyst confirmed today that every single player selected in the upcoming draft is, without exception, a member of the species Homo sapiens. The announcement came after years of rigorous, albeit entirely unnecessary, observation.

Dr. Quentin Fumble, head of the Institute for Obvious Sports Science (IOSS), presented his findings at a sparsely attended press conference. “Our extensive data collection, which included watching countless hours of college football and reviewing thousands of scouting reports, conclusively shows that all 32 first-round picks possess two arms, two legs, and a general aversion to being tackled by large, angry men,” Dr. Fumble stated, adjusting his glasses. “This groundbreaking insight challenges the long-held, if unstated, assumption that some prospects might be highly evolved squirrels or sentient vending machines.”

The IOSS study, funded by a grant from the League of Extremely Redundant Research (LERR), also noted that players tend to consume food and water, require sleep, and occasionally express emotions. “We even found evidence of complex thought processes, particularly when deciding whether to sign with an agent or declare for the draft,” added Dr. Fumble, clearly overwhelmed by the profundity of his discoveries.

NFL General Managers, who have historically relied on gut feelings and the occasional coin toss, are reportedly scrambling to integrate these new biological parameters into their draft models. “It’s a game-changer,” admitted one anonymous GM, who then immediately returned to analyzing a prospect’s handshake firmness. “Knowing they’re human really helps us narrow down the field from, you know, everything.”

The league is now considering mandatory human-verification checkpoints at the combine, just to be absolutely sure.