LOS ANGELES – A groundbreaking study published today by the Institute for Advanced Celebrity Observation (IACO) has definitively concluded that individuals classified as 'celebrities' possess a unique physiological trait preventing them from staying in a single geographic location for longer than three days. The findings explain the recent phenomenon of high-profile figures jetting from Paris Fashion Week to Miami’s Jazz in the Gardens Festival, often within hours.

“Our data indicates a previously uncatalogued migratory pattern, akin to certain bird species, but fueled by brand endorsements and the desperate need to be seen,” stated lead researcher Dr. Evelyn Finch, head of IACO’s Behavioral Aviation department. “It appears their cellular structure begins to destabilize if not exposed to fluctuating barometric pressures and the admiring glances of paparazzi in at least two different time zones.”

One anonymous A-lister, speaking from a private jet en route from a New York gala to a Dubai yacht launch, reportedly confirmed the findings. “It’s not a choice, darling. My agent says if I don’t hit three continents this week, my aura starts to dim. And frankly, the private jet fuel emissions are just part of my carbon footprint, which is, you know, very important for the planet.”

Experts warn that without constant global transit, celebrities risk developing 'Localitis,' a debilitating condition characterized by reduced social media engagement and the terrifying prospect of having to unpack a suitcase.