WASHINGTON D.C. – Netflix co-CEO Ted Sarandos has confirmed he advised former President Donald Trump against implementing tariffs on foreign-made films and television, proposing instead a simpler, more streamlined approach: letting Netflix manage global content strategy entirely. Sarandos reportedly suggested this would free up the former president to focus on 'more pressing' matters, like golf course landscaping or social media engagement.

“Look, we’ve got this whole international content thing pretty much dialed in,” Sarandos reportedly told Trump during a private meeting, according to sources close to the discussion. “Trying to tariff it is like trying to put a tiny hat on a hurricane. It’s just… inefficient. Let us do what we do best, and you can take all the credit for the resulting cultural dominance.”

The Netflix executive elaborated that his company’s existing global infrastructure and deep understanding of audience preferences make them uniquely qualified to dictate which stories are told, where, and by whom. “It’s about optimizing creative output for maximum subscriber retention, not… whatever tariffs are supposed to do,” said a fictional Netflix spokesperson, Brenda Chen, Senior Vice President of Global Narrative Synergy. “Think of us as a benevolent, algorithm-driven content overlord. Much less paperwork for everyone involved.”

Trump, known for his appreciation of efficiency and delegating complex tasks, reportedly found the proposal 'very interesting, very smart.' While no official policy changes were enacted, sources indicate the former president left the meeting with a renewed appreciation for the 'tremendous' content coming out of countries he previously struggled to locate on a map.

Netflix is now reportedly exploring similar 'consulting' arrangements with other world leaders, aiming to replace all international trade agreements with a single, comprehensive streaming subscription.