BOSTON, MA – The National Basketball Association announced a groundbreaking new 'Emotional Intelligence' ejection protocol this week, designed to remove players who display an excessive quantity of human emotion during gameplay. The new rule was reportedly soft-launched during Tuesday night's Celtics-Spurs game, resulting in the early dismissal of Boston star Jaylen Brown for what officials described as 'an unacceptable level of visible frustration.'

League Commissioner Adam Silver praised the initiative, stating, 'Our goal is to create a frictionless, emotionally neutral environment where athletic prowess can be admired without the messy intrusion of competitive spirit or perceived injustice. Players are paid handsomely to perform, not to feel.' Sources close to the league indicated that future enhancements might include biometric sensors to detect elevated heart rates or furrowed brows, triggering an automated 'time out for reflection' penalty.

Veteran referee Marvin 'The Enforcer' Jenkins, who officiated the Celtics game, explained the new standard. 'Mr. Brown clearly exhibited signs of what we call 'disagreement,' followed by 'persistent disagreement.' Our job is to maintain order, and order, in this league, means players accepting our judgment as infallible and divine.'

Players across the league are reportedly scrambling to enroll in mandatory 'Zen Basketball' workshops, focusing on techniques like 'mindful dribbling' and 'non-reactive foul acceptance.' The NBA hopes this new protocol will usher in an era of serene, almost meditative basketball, perfect for background viewing during a particularly stressful work call.