LOS ANGELES, CA – In a bold move to re-engage dwindling audiences and justify ever-increasing ticket prices, the National Association of Cinematic Exhibition (NACE) today unveiled a revolutionary new pricing structure: 'Pay-Per-Gasp.' Under the proposed system, moviegoers will be charged a premium for involuntary vocalizations such as gasps, screams, and even particularly enthusiastic chuckles, detected by new AI-powered sound monitoring systems.

“We understand that the home viewing experience offers convenience, but it lacks the visceral, shared reaction of a packed theater,” stated NACE spokesperson Brenda Flinch. “By monetizing these authentic, unscripted moments, we’re not just selling a movie; we’re selling a performance of the audience itself. Think of it as a micro-transaction for your soul’s involuntary expression.” Initial pilot programs suggest a 15-cent charge per gasp, with a 50-cent surcharge for full-throated screams during horror films.

Critics argue the system could lead to self-censorship, with patrons actively suppressing natural reactions to avoid additional fees. “I’m not paying extra just because the jump scare actually worked,” commented local film enthusiast Mark 'Popcorn' Peterson, who was reportedly billed $2.40 during a recent screening of a superhero movie. “Next, they’ll be charging for bladder relief during the third act.”

Theater owners, however, remain optimistic. “Imagine the revenue from a truly terrifying horror flick,” mused one independent cinema owner, who wished to remain anonymous. “We could finally afford to fix that leaky roof, or at least buy better-quality napkins.”