WASHINGTON D.C. — A groundbreaking new study from the Pew Research Center has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, confirming that nearly half of all Americans did not visit a movie theater last year. Experts are now scrambling to understand why a significant portion of the populace chose not to participate in the time-honored tradition of sticky floors, overpriced snacks, and the occasional phone-glow interruption.

“We initially hypothesized that the remaining 47% were simply trapped in a time loop, perpetually reliving 2019,” stated Dr. Evelyn Reed, lead researcher for the study. “But our data suggests they were, in fact, at home, on their phones, or, in a truly baffling number of cases, *outside*.” The report indicates that activities such as “streaming content,” “engaging in hobbies,” and “maintaining social relationships” were cited as common alternatives to the cinematic experience.

Industry insiders expressed bewilderment. “How can we expect people to appreciate the artistry of a 200-million-dollar CGI spectacle if they’re not even willing to leave their couch?” questioned Marcus Thorne, head of the National Association of Film Exhibitors. “The magic of cinema is truly lost when you can pause for a bathroom break.”

Further analysis suggests a correlation between non-attendance and a preference for not paying $18 for a medium popcorn. Researchers are now investigating whether these individuals are also refusing to pay $7 for a single-use plastic bottle of water, a phenomenon scientists are calling “extreme fiscal responsibility.”