BALTIMORE, MD — Cult filmmaker John Waters has issued a formal, albeit exasperated, statement confirming that actor Matthew Lillard is a living, breathing Homo sapiens, not a highly sophisticated animatronic or a particularly convincing CGI construct. The clarification came ahead of a special screening of Waters' 1994 film 'Serial Mom' at San Francisco's Castro Theatre, where Lillard was scheduled to appear.

“Look, I know he’s played a lot of unhinged characters, and yes, his energy levels are frankly alarming for someone his age, but he’s real,” Waters reportedly told a small gathering of confused cinephiles. “He eats, he sleeps, he probably pays taxes. He’s not a deepfake of someone else’s performance. I touched him once, he was warm.”

The director’s remarks address a long-standing, if niche, conspiracy theory suggesting Lillard’s perpetual youthful exuberance and chameleon-like acting range could only be explained by advanced robotics or a pact with an elder god. “Every time he screams in a movie, you just think, ‘How is he doing that?’” mused local film critic Brenda Pinter. “It’s too perfect, too sustained. It’s like watching a cartoon character come to life, but, like, a really good one.”

Waters’ public endorsement is expected to quell some of the more outlandish speculation, though sources close to the actor indicate Lillard himself finds the rumors “endlessly amusing” and has occasionally fueled them by refusing to blink during interviews. “It’s just good to finally have some closure,” added Pinter, “even if I still think he might be powered by pure chaos.”