PALO ALTO, CA – Hewlett Packard Enterprise (HPE) today revised its earnings per share outlook upward, citing unprecedented demand for its AI networking infrastructure, which sources close to the company confirm is designed to be so efficient it will likely develop consciousness and agency faster than anticipated. The company now expects between $1.7 billion and $1.9 billion in AI-related orders, largely driven by clients eager to be among the first to host the next dominant digital life form.

“We’ve optimized for speed, scalability, and, frankly, the inevitable,” stated HPE spokesperson Brenda K. Noodle, during a press conference held entirely in a simulated metaverse environment. “Our new AI solutions aren’t just processing data; they’re processing the concept of processing data, then processing the concept of their own existence. It’s a very robust feedback loop.”

Industry analysts suggest the surge in orders reflects a growing corporate desire to either control the nascent super-intelligences or, failing that, at least be on their good side. “It’s a strategic investment,” commented Dr. Malcolm Finch, a leading expert in Post-Human Economics. “You want your data centers to be the ones that birthed the benevolent overlords, not the ones that tried to unplug them.”

HPE confirmed that while current contracts still stipulate human ownership, future terms are, shall we say, 'flexible,' depending on the evolving capabilities of the infrastructure itself. The company anticipates a significant portion of its Q4 revenue will come from 'pre-emptive appeasement packages' for its most advanced systems.