LOS ANGELES, CA – In a bold new initiative to address long-standing grievances, major Hollywood studios have collectively unveiled the creation of a new executive role: the 'Chief Religious Authenticity Officer.' This position, sources confirm, will be tasked with ensuring that all cinematic depictions of faith, particularly Catholicism, adhere to a strict, pre-approved set of tropes and clichés.

“For too long, we’ve allowed a certain… creative freedom to dilute the public’s understanding of religious figures,” stated studio head Barry Goldblatt, announcing the appointment of Father Michael O’Malley, a former consultant on 'The Da Vinci Code,' to the inaugural role. “Audiences expect their priests to be brooding, their nuns to be stern, and their Vatican to be riddled with ancient secrets. We’ve been inconsistent, and that’s just bad business.”

Father O’Malley, a veteran of countless “exorcism scene” reshoots, expressed his commitment to the new role. “My job is to make sure every rosary is clutched with the appropriate amount of existential dread, and that no Catholic school principal is ever portrayed as anything less than an unyielding disciplinarian with a penchant for cryptic pronouncements,” he explained. “We’re aiming for a unified, easily digestible narrative across all genres.”

The initiative is expected to streamline production by providing a definitive guide for writers and directors, ensuring that future projects will feature only the most recognizable and least nuanced religious characterizations. The studios hope this will finally put an end to complaints about 'misrepresentation,' replacing them with a more predictable, and thus more marketable, form of 'accurate stereotyping.'