WASHINGTON D.C. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced Thursday the approval of a new, significantly higher-dose version of the blockbuster weight-loss drug Wegovy, prompting speculation that future iterations might simply be served on a plate with a side of microgreens.

The 7.2-milligram weekly injection, a substantial increase from the previous 2.4-milligram maximum, received accelerated review, with officials noting its potential to not only curb appetite but also to entirely reframe the concept of 'eating out.' Industry analysts suggest the next logical step will be a 10mg dose that comes with its own tiny, complimentary napkin.

“We’re moving beyond just suppressing hunger; we’re innovating the very act of consumption,” stated Dr. Evelyn Pinter, a spokesperson for the FDA, in a press conference held entirely via telepresence. “Soon, the question won’t be ‘What’s for dinner?’ but rather, ‘Have you administered your evening dose of pharmaceutical satiety?’”

Novo Nordisk, the drug’s manufacturer, hinted at future research exploring whether the higher dose could also eliminate the need for grocery shopping, cooking, or even polite conversation during mealtimes. “Our goal is to streamline the human experience,” said CEO Lars Fruergaard Jørgensen, via a pre-recorded message played on a loop. “Why waste precious time on sustenance when you could be… not hungry?”

Experts predict that within a decade, fine dining establishments will pivot to offering curated 'injection experiences,' where patrons can choose from a menu of designer semaglutide doses, each promising a unique, flavorless journey to metabolic suppression. Reservations are expected to be mandatory, and the dress code will remain ‘business casual, but significantly smaller.’