WASHINGTON D.C. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced Thursday the approval of a new, significantly higher dose of the popular weight-loss drug Wegovy, now capable of reducing users to a state of near-invisibility or, in some cases, complete non-existence. The 7.2-milligram weekly injection, a substantial leap from the previous 2.4-milligram maximum, was fast-tracked under the agency's 'Ultra-Fast Drug Review Program' for innovations deemed 'too good to wait for.'

“We believe this new dosage offers patients the ultimate weight loss solution: becoming so small they simply phase out of our current reality,” stated Dr. Brenda Carmichael, FDA Director of Existential Therapeutics. “Early trials showed participants not only shedding pounds but also, in a few instances, their entire physical form. We’re talking about a level of 'keeping it off' that fundamentally redefines 'off.'”

Novo Nordisk, the drug's manufacturer, confirmed that while the primary goal remains weight management, the 'dimensional shift' side effect is an exciting, albeit unexpected, bonus. “Our internal projections suggest that at 7.2mg, users could achieve a body mass index so low, they might actually slip between the atoms of the universe,” explained Lars Jensen, a spokesperson for Novo Nordisk. “Imagine the possibilities for air travel, or simply avoiding awkward social encounters.”

Critics, however, raised concerns about the accelerated review process. “Fifty-four days to approve a drug that could turn you into a subatomic particle? That’s not a review, that’s a dare,” commented Dr. Evelyn Reed, head of the Coalition for Not Disappearing Entirely. “What happens when someone accidentally takes two doses and ends up as a black hole?”

Meanwhile, investors are reportedly thrilled, anticipating a new wave of demand from consumers eager to finally fit into those jeans they bought in 2007, or perhaps, simply cease to occupy space altogether.