WASHINGTON — Federal Communications Commission Chairman Brendan Carr today unveiled an ambitious new "National Joke Pre-Approval Program," designed to ensure all broadcast comedy adheres to the highest standards of propriety and patriotic alignment. The initiative aims to streamline humor delivery across television and radio, guaranteeing that every punchline serves the public interest, as defined by Carr himself.
Under the new guidelines, networks will be required to submit all comedic material, including monologues, sketches, and improvised banter, to a newly formed "Bureau of Broadcast Banter Oversight" 72 hours prior to airing. Jokes will be rigorously assessed for "national relevance," "non-divisive sentiment," and "appropriate deference to established authority figures and their clearly superior judgment." Sources close to the FCC indicate a particular emphasis will be placed on content mentioning high-ranking government officials, particularly those who have recently endured the burden of a second term. “We’re not stifling creativity,” Carr said in a leaked internal memo obtained by Hambry. “We’re merely curating it for optimal societal benefit. Think of it as a quality control measure, like testing the water for lead, but for inconvenient truths that might upset someone important.”
The Chairman's office anticipates a significant reduction in "unnecessary public discourse" and a marked improvement in "national comedic cohesion." Dr. Anya Sharma, Director of the FCC's new "Institute for Aspirational Proximity Studies," lauded the move. “Our preliminary findings suggest that when powerful individuals are spared the indignity of lighthearted mockery, their capacity for governance increases by nearly 17%,” Dr. Sharma’s press release stated. “It’s about creating a safe space for leadership, free from the abrasive grind of… well, anything remotely critical.” The program also promises to eliminate the stressful guesswork for comedians wondering if their material might inadvertently trigger a federal investigation or, worse, a strongly worded tweet from a senior administration official.
Industry insiders are already bracing for the impact. One late-night showrunner, who requested anonymity for fear of losing their FCC broadcast license and possibly their kneecaps, admitted, “We’re basically hiring an entire team of lawyers to write our jokes now. Our entire comedic premise has shifted from ‘speak truth to power’ to ‘how much praise can we pack into a five-minute bit about infrastructure spending?’ It’s going great for the infrastructure, less so for the comedy.” Early samples from the program include a new segment titled "President's Favorite Dog Breeds: A Deep Dive into Loyalty and Leadership" and a sketch where a talking squirrel explains the benefits of deregulation while wearing a tiny MAGA hat. The FCC is also rumored to be developing an AI model, 'HumorShield 3000,' which will auto-redact potentially offensive words like "accountability" or "satire" from scripts before they ever reach a human reviewer.
The FCC confirmed that any broadcaster found airing non-approved humor will face immediate and severe penalties, ensuring a future where all jokes are, finally, not funny to anyone, especially the people who approved them.
