DALLAS, TX – The Dallas Cowboys’ perennial pursuit of a Super Bowl has hit another snag, as promising linebacker Nakobe Dean reportedly chose the Las Vegas Raiders over America’s Team due to a shocking revelation: Jerry Jones’ private jet, ‘The Star,’ does not offer truly unlimited, high-speed Wi-Fi.

According to an anonymous source close to the negotiations, both teams presented similar financial packages and roles for Dean. However, during a final visit, Dean inquired about in-flight connectivity for gaming and streaming during the extensive travel required in the NFL. He was reportedly informed that while Wi-Fi was available, it came with data caps and speed throttling after a certain threshold.

“It was a deal-breaker,” stated 'Coach X,' a fictional assistant coach who wished to remain anonymous to avoid Jones’ wrath. “Nakobe needs to stay connected. He’s got his Twitch stream, his fantasy league, his crypto portfolio to monitor. The Raiders promised him a dedicated satellite link with fiber-optic speeds from takeoff to landing. We offered him a ‘generous’ 10 GB per flight.”

Jerry Jones, reached for comment, reportedly scoffed, “Unlimited Wi-Fi? We’re talking about football, not a co-working space at 30,000 feet. We have a perfectly good in-flight entertainment system with movies from 2017.” The Raiders, meanwhile, are reportedly installing individual 8K screens and personal gaming consoles at every seat on their team plane. Dean is expected to announce his new gaming setup from 40,000 feet next week.