NEW YORK, NY — A recent dinner hosted by Congressman Jamaal Bowman at Gracie Mansion has ignited a firestorm of online scrutiny after it was revealed that one of his guests, Mahmoud Khalil, had a past that included, among other things, having opinions and existing as a person. Critics are demanding to know how such a historically active individual was allowed to dine with an elected official.

“We expect our politicians to associate only with people who have been cryogenically frozen until the moment they meet, ensuring a pristine, controversy-free record,” stated Dr. Evelyn Purity, head of the newly formed 'Pre-Meal Purity Oversight Committee.' “Mr. Khalil’s documented history of, well, *everything*, is a clear breach of public trust. What’s next? Guests with different favorite colors?”

Social media users quickly amplified concerns, highlighting that Khalil had not only expressed views but had also, at various points, been a child, an adolescent, and an adult, each stage presenting a fresh opportunity for historical data collection. “It’s simply unacceptable,” tweeted one prominent pundit. “We need to know what he had for breakfast on June 12, 2007. The public deserves transparency regarding all prior caloric intake.”

Reached for comment, a spokesperson for Congressman Bowman merely sighed audibly for approximately 17 seconds before hanging up. The incident has prompted calls for all future political dinners to be held exclusively with mannequins or, failing that, individuals who have signed affidavits confirming they have never had an original thought.